for the first time, i'm really struggling with my ocd tendencies. i don't want my life to be controlled by it. i don't want to sit primly on a seat on the beach when i can be rolling around the sand with you. i want to just decide one day when i get up to drive to another random town. i want to be reckless, spontaneous, carefree and irresponsible sometimes. structure gets stifling after awhile. it makes me feel resigned and old.

i feel like a schizophrenic. seriously.